For those struggling with change: It’s okay to pursue more joy

M.T. Deco founder Melissa Blum

I’m in the midst of a big life change with my family and I wanted to share a mantra that’s getting me through; It’s okay to pursue more joy. [aka my current affirmation in my Five Minute Journal entries]. I came up with this from the Trailing Away blog where author, Brook Baum, discusses the emotional toll and complexity of moving away from loved ones as you blaze your own path. Her post is wildly popular and she’s updated it a couple times in both 2019 and 2022 in response to the amount of comments and impact it continues to have, and I thought some of what she shares might resonate with all of you, our MTD community.

First off, she writes “There is nothing wrong with wanting MORE joy.” Let that sink in. And if you’re someone who deals with guilt and anxiety as it relates to family, sit a bit longer. When I first read her post I felt emotional relief because the thing is, I am happy. I’ve worked hard and I continue to work hard to prioritize and actively be happy in my life. So this big change my husband and I are making is tricky because it’s in pursuit of more joy for ourselves and our kids [and it happens to be something we’ve wanted for a very long time], but it simultaneously causes sadness among extended family and friends, people we’d never ever want to hurt. Have you heard the question “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?” Yeah, me too, a lot recently.

I’m learning first-hand the complicated dynamics of big decision-making as I get older. The biggest learning is that sadness and happiness can coexist, even harmoniously, oddly enough. This is new for me as I’d never been adverse to change in my life. For years in NYC, through the ups and downs of career, navigating graduate school, relationships, and many apartments, I welcomed each new chapter, optimistically confident it would be better than the last. It wasn’t until we gave up our apartment in Dumbo, Brooklyn, the apartment where we brought our son Wally home, that I wasn’t as certain about the next chapter. Sure, throw on a second pregnancy, a pandemic, and a move to my rural hometown into the mix and it’s a LOT of change. I was quietly heartbroken to leave that moment of our lives behind.

But then we adapted as a family, we made our investment property into our home, and we embraced our family of two kids. It was a big adjustment with a lot of tough lessons, but by just putting one foot in front of the other, we ultimately thrived. In the end, I look back at the transition as one of the best things that could have happened to us. From the tough times we grew, and in place of the things we gave up, like city life and my corporate job, my children gained a close bond with my parents and brothers.

As I look ahead to what is in front of me, I choose to agonize over the details and logistics because it’s easier than looking at the big picture. I’m overwhelmed. But to help get through it, I’m holding close to my mantra, I’m looking to the recent past where I followed my gut in leaving the city and it turned out better than I could have imagined. And I’m tuning in to those who inspire me, like Brooke. Because as she writes, “seeking out places that light up your soul is nothing to be ashamed of,” and I believe that applies to anything big and small, from losing yourself in a good book, to wherever you choose to live. Even if you are happy and your life is full of joy, there is nothing wrong with going for more -  you and those around you will ultimately be better for it.

Xo, Melissa