Ballerina Farm is not a Traditional Wife
By Megan E. Collins, Generational Expert and Cultural Anthropologist
Lately, there’s been growing internet discourse about the emergence of “Trad Wife” creators such as Ballerina Farm and Nara Smith. “Trad Wives” or “Traditional Wives” is the internet’s label for women who create and post content showcasing their domestic prowess. This content often features them cooking elaborate meals from scratch in their beautiful (expensive) kitchens for their large families and breadwinner husbands.
Perhaps the most notable of the “Trad Wives” is a juilliard-trained dancer Hannah Neeleman better known as the brand Ballerina Farm. As chronicled in her New York Times profile by Madison Malone Kircher, “She Gave Birth Two Weeks Ago. Now She’s in a Beauty Pageant” Neelman is a bit of a force. Her content showcasing her raising kids, animals, and the Ballerina Farm brand has gained huge popularity over the past three years, especially on Instagram where she has 8.8M followers.
At 33-years-old Hannah has given birth to 8 children, the oldest before finishing school. An August 2019 Facebook post of her lithe frame doing plies in an open field at sunset while her kids circle her was captioned as follows:
Daniel and I became parents to our oldest (Henry) during my senior year at Juilliard. I was the first in the school's history to have a baby before graduating. Henry was a month old in my arms as I walked across the stage to accept my diploma. Henry was no accident. Daniel and I wanted to start a family. My mother always told me I would find stages to dance on no matter what I chose in life. Little did I know my stage would be pastures and corrals, my audience livestock and Instagram friends. I certainly didn’t expect the other dancers in my company to all be under the age of seven with no dancing experience. Chalk it up to fate. I’m a dancing farm gal. Finally found my niche.
At the pageant where she was crowned Mrs. America last summer, Hannah also gave the world the soundbite heard around the internet. Asked “When have you felt the most empowered?” she answered with raw emotion and sincerity: “I have felt this feeling seven times now as I bring these sacred souls to the earth. After I hold that newborn baby in my arms, the feeling of motherhood and bringing them to the earth is the most empowering feeling I have ever felt.”
This is where the Ballerina Farm brand becomes controversial and it’s as much reflective of culture at large as Hannah herself. Her beautiful sentiments about loving motherhood were taken by conservative media and weaponized in the ongoing discourse around women’s reproductive rights. Hannah and her picture-perfect feed of domestic bliss were heralded as the ideal of womanhood, and more importantly, motherhood as a woman’s highest calling. While Hannah and her content are not inherently political, her affiliation with the LDS Church combined with the right’s deification has associated her with the movement romanticizing traditional gender roles instead of more modern ones. Hannah has done little to distance herself from this movement, claiming to be unaware the term “Trad Wife” exists in her NYT profile and ignoring the haters (of which she has many.)
Some critics of creators like Ballerina Farm–and the Trad Wife movement more generally–argue that this type of content is anti-feminist. The most unhinged theories claim that these creators are a “psyop” propagated by the government to brainwash women into having babies as the birth rate drops. Mildier and more realistic critiques focus on how, by holding this handful of incredibly privileged women up as an example, we are setting unrealistic expectations for women (and especially mothers).
In their discussion thoughtfully weighing both camps, the Pop Apologists podcast hit on an astute observation about how the seemingly wholesome content has become a lightning rod:
“I think it just really hits different women in different ways. I’m not saying that there’s a good and a bad reaction to have but I think some people like to watch her stories, see her posts, and they feel inspired. They’re like women can do everything…and then I think other women see her posts and they think it’s very annoying to see someone doing all these things when I can barely get out of bed.” - Chanler Pop Apologists
In both scenarios laid out by the Pop Apologists, you can see how women are judging Ballerina Farm’s content based on how it makes them feel about themselves. The reality is, that the Trad Wife Discourse has become a proxy for us to grapple with the realities of motherhood in 21st century America.
For some, Trad Wives are a balm, an escape into the perceived simplicity of domesticity if only for a second whilst doom scrolling. As stated by Bridget Todd on her podcast, There Are No Girls On The Internet, “It responds to and exploits the understandable fear & anxiety that a lot of women are feeling. Particularly in the absence of any type of meaningful support.” Women’s reproductive health has been politicized while maternal mortality rates are spiking making the already grueling process of pregnancy and labor even more stressful. On top of all of that, the United States has one of the worst federally mandated maternity leave policies in the world. Once the child is here, the day-to-day work of motherhood is incredibly undervalued and under-appreciated (not even to mention the fear of sending them to school.) In addition to working full time jobs, many mother’s pick up the second shift in the home, and care for their partner.
The idea that women can have it all has long been exposed as a myth. During the pandemic, the cultural romanticization of a quieter simpler life led to the “cottagecore” trend as millennials especially dreamt of a “simpler” life. We began making sourdough, planting gardens, and homeschooling. Hannah never stopped. While people marvel at her rustic decor, impossible ability to “snap back” and farm to table cooking skills, at the end of the day, she’s fulfilling a very popular escapist fantasy.
While Hannah spends the day performing the tasks of a “Traditional” housewife, little else is traditional about her and how she’s showing up in the world. She’s the face of her brand which takes a considerable amount of work and has a team around her that she presumably leads. Additionally, she and her husband describe themselves as “first generation farmers.” While that sounds like a rugged salt-of-the-earth profession, it’s also important to note that her father-in-law founded JetBlue. So the decision to live and work on a farm was largely a willing (and likely heavily subsidized) lifestyle choice. A fantasy.
Many of the comments on her posts read that they wish they could see behind the cameras where they're sure there’s an army of nannies and messes everywhere. After all, that’s how the fantasy of other social stars like the Kardashians come together on our screens. But I think part of Hannah’s appeal is that she’s committed to her choice of living the lifestyle she projects. Its authenticity comes in its deceptive unattainability. It’s a fantasy to think that this is a choice afforded to all women, not just the young, beautiful, rich, white ones who marry a billionaire's son who is invested in their entrepreneurial endeavors. That if each of us wanted, we could leave it all behind and tomorrow sell sourdough starter, milk our cow, and of course gain millions of followers while doing it.
When I look at Hannah Neeleman I see a devoted loving mom. But I also see a lifelong performer who loves the stage and has found her way to be on one as much as possible. And I love that for her.