Why it’s time to rethink how we share images of children on social media

We need to talk about sharenting.

Referring to the practice of parents sharing their kids’ lives online, sharenting has been around almost as long as social media. Although the practice itself has been intensely debated for years - such as how much is too much, or will kids grow up to be angry with their parents - the conversation has not often made it to the mainstream in an impactful way.

It’s past time to take a closer look at how all of us share children on our social media, even if you’re a parent with a small following or you don’t have kids at all. Whether the concern is about safety, privacy, consent or all of the above, most of us could stand to be more thoughtful about what we post.

Writer and producer Bess Kalb recently demonstrated just how dangerous it can be in this Twitter thread: “I took my 3-year-old kid [to] a playground a few days ago and I saw a kid I thought was his friend from school. Fun! Just as I waved at him I froze. Nope! That is the child of a content mom on Instagram!”

Kalb points out that she knows a lot about this child, including that his mother was out of the country at the time. Besides the fact that this is a major safety issue, so much of this child’s life is known to the world, and he has no agency over his own story. Sure, he’s a toddler, but eventually he’ll be an adult, and unable to have a say in what strangers who follow his mom know about him.

More and more creators are reconsidering how much they’re sharing about their children’s lives. Laura Fritz’s daughter Lena has been a beloved TikTok toddler, but Laura recently decided that she will not continue to share Lena in the way she has in the past.

“This is the end of our TikTok account as it was,” Fritz wrote on Instagram. “It’s going to be hard to give it up, as it has been a big part of our lives for almost 2 years, but this is what’s best for our family. I want my kids to have a regular life growing up, without the pressures of social media.”

Celebrities have long protected their children similarly, but from paparazzi - and for many, it now extends to social media. “Game of Thrones” actress Sophie Turner accidentally posted a photo of her daughter to Instagram, and asked her followers to delete screenshots of the post.

There’s always the other side, though, which was loud and clear several years ago when Apple Martin said that she was not happy with a photo her mom Gwyneth Paltrow posted of them together.

“Mom we have discussed this,” she commented on the post. “You may not post anything without my consent.”

Gwyneth replied that “you can’t even see your face" and the comments were mixed, from “Respect your daughter” to “So many spoiled little brats thinking they have a [say] above parents”.

Stances on sharenting run the gamut and every situation is different. At MTD, we’re always advocating for clients to share a bit more of their personal lives. It’s a wonderful way to relate to people beyond your career, and can be impactful for those navigating parenthood. We love to share the special moments and big milestones - and there are ways to find a happy medium.

If you’re wanting to post but also be careful, here are a few tips everyone can follow:

  • If you’re in public, post after you’ve left and don’t tag the specific location (i.e. select the city instead of the restaurant)

  • Avoid oversharing personal information like full names and exact birthdays

  • Do not post anything that indicates a place the child is often (i.e. no photos in school uniforms)

It can get tricky depending on whether you have a public or private profile, and how much is expected of you as it relates to what you do. We’ve broken down each scenario with a few additional tips for each.

If you’re a parent with a “public” life: Whether you’re a content creator or in a public-facing job like TV journalism, there’s at least some expectation for you to be online and sharing personal moments. We get it - as a parent, so many of those personal moments do revolve around your kids! If you are wanting to share your experience with parenthood as a way to build community, consider how you can create content that is a resource for others, not entertainment. As you do that, take these steps for extra protection:

  • Use photos where you can’t see your little ones’ faces, or use emojis to cover their faces

  • Limit the information you are sharing and center it on your experience, not your child’s - you are the architect of your story, not theirs

  • Avoid potentially viral moments at the expense of your child

  • Limit the personal information that you share about your child. Like adults, children are also at risk of having their online identity stolen and misused and the more public information about them, the higher the risk. 

  • Don't post anything that indicates a place that the child frequents often (i.e. no photos of school uniforms)

Read this for bonus inspo: The mommy bloggers who are getting creative and finding a middle ground that allows them to create content centered around themselves, motherhood, and so much more without forcing their kids into internet fame.

If you’re a parent who just wants to share the special moments: We always say everyone needs a digital strategy, and even if your job is not public-facing, you still want to engage the community you have on your platforms and share photos with friends and family. While you can and should follow the list above, what’s important for you is who can see what you’re posting, even if your profile is private. This Security.org survey found that over 75 percent of U.S. parents post children’s info on social media, and eight in 10 parents have followers they’ve never met.

  • Make your profiles private and ensure all followers are people you’re comfortable with

  • Utilize “Close Friends” or “Friends Only” features to share with a curated list of family and friends

  • Consider avoiding social media altogether and setting up a private iCloud account that you can share with people you trust

  • If someone else posts your child without permission, politely ask them to take it down. You can also set parameters with family and loved ones around posting your child, like not using their names, not tagging your account and never sharing where your child lives and the locations they frequent. 

  • If you're in public, don't post anything until you've left the location

Read this for the full picture: Their children went viral. Now they wish they could wipe them from the internet.

If you don’t have children: Just because you’re not a parent doesn’t mean you don’t want to post cute photos of your nieces and nephews, or your first visit with your best friend’s new baby. 

  • Always ask for permission to post. And when asking, make sure to include the specific pictures / videos you want to post, the caption and where you plan on posting it.  If the parents or child say no, you need to respect their wishes.

  • If you do post about the children in your life, don't use their names, tag the parents' social media accounts or share where they live.

  • If you have a public profile, or a private profile with a large following of people you don’t know and trust, utilize “Close Friends” and “Friends Only” features on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.

Read this for further consideration: 10 Things to Consider before Sharing Kid Pics on Social Media.

Although we don’t feel like this issue has gotten the attention it deserves, it does seem like a reckoning is upon us, with legislation popping up in two states aimed at making sure children are protected - and compensated - when their parents profit off of them online. Online culture expert Taylor Lorenz recently talked through this on the Washington Post’s daily podcast - but pointed out that until national lawmakers take this up, it’s unlikely that anything significant is going to happen.

For now, the action is going to need to come from the rest of us. As Kalb pointed out in her tweets: “We’re all going to screw up spectacularly as parents but this one feels pretty avoidable!”

Resources:

Kait Richmond is a writer and producer and a contributor to the M.T. Deco Blog.

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