How I overcame self-doubt & launched my career

When I graduated from college in 2011, it was a time when the economy was still pulling out of an economic downturn and there were no jobs to be had. And when I say no jobs, I mean NONE. I was terrified, knowing this was the “real world” I was about to step into. I wondered how I was ever going to support myself, not to mention pay off the massive student loan debt I had accrued over the years. I didn’t know exactly what field I wanted to take my Business Marketing & Communications degree, but I thought if I moved to Manhattan, there was bound to be an opportunity there to set me on the right path. So, full steam ahead, I moved to NYC not knowing what was in store for me.

I hit the pavement for weeks, interview after interview, trying to get a job. Not only was I getting rejection after rejection, but the only opportunities offered were unpaid internships with a “Sure, maybe we will hire you after 3 or 6 months” caveat. I thought, “Hey – if this is how I’m going to get my foot in the door, then great! I’ll work for 3 months, rough it in Manhattan, and get a job in the end. How hard can this be?”

I quickly learned this was a time when interns were really taken advantage of. Companies couldn’t offer paying jobs, even after internships. There was a lot of over promising and under-delivering. One year in and 4 unpaid internships later, I had no “real job” to show for any of it. Not only did this take a toll on me financially, but my mental health took a major nose dive. I felt drained of all my confidence and was left with this infectious bite of fear and self-doubt. When a couple of my classmates got full-time jobs after their internships, it pushed me over the edge. Why didn’t that happen for me? I had officially crashed and burned and felt like a total failure. 

When self-doubt grabs you, sometimes there’s no controlling it and your goals begin to feel completely out of reach. This feeling didn’t just stop with work. From that point forward, I unconsciously started to question my knowledge and abilities in nearly everything I did. There was only one thing I knew for certain – I couldn’t live this way forever.  I was desperate for a cure. I needed to face my doubts, and move on. It was time for a change. 

I moved back to my hometown, the North Fork of Long Island, where I was immediately surrounded and supported by family and friends. Getting out of the city that “ate me alive” was step one, and boy was it the best thing I could have done, especially for my mental state. If you’re unfamiliar with the North Fork, it truly has a wonderful way of bringing you peace in a shitty situation. The beautiful beaches, the Peconic bay, the preserved landscape, fields of farmland & vineyards, etc. I took it for granted when I was a kid, but then – and now – feel so grateful for it. 

I began to focus on myself and my mindset, starting with reframing my consuming self-doubt and changing my perspective on life altogether. I stopped comparing my story with those of my old classmates and instead began reflecting on what a “career path” looked like for me and only me. 

Being back in my hometown for the first time since I was 15 sparked a childhood memory which led me to my next move. When I was around 12 years old, the mother of one of my best friends worked as a Real Estate Advisor. I have this vivid memory of her sitting on the beach, getting a sun tan, eating a sandwich, all while on and off the phone negotiating a big real estate deal. At the time I remember thinking, “wow – now THAT’S the job I want!” It was all suddenly clear: I needed to work for myself. 

I laugh about this memory to this day because I never work from the beach or barely have time to sit on the beach to relax. It was a memory of false reality for a full time Real Estate Advisor, but I’m forever grateful that it got me excited to pave a new path for myself and put the past behind me.

I got my real estate license and directed all of my attention and energy towards launching my business. At night I waited tables so I could start paying off my student loan debt and invest in my real estate career. During the day, I worked side by side with a top producing agent, assisting her with tasks, showings, open houses, etc - really anything she didn’t have the time for, I did. In turn, she taught me how to not only launch my own business but also keep it running. I provided her with an extra hand and she provided her knowledge and mentorship which was instrumental to my early success. 

It wasn’t easy though. I was 22 when I started and considered “too young to be a realtor.” In fact, I may have been the youngest realtor in North Fork real estate history. Not only did I have to convince homeowners and home-buyers to trust me with one of their biggest assets, but I had to convince my colleagues they could trust me to negotiate a deal fairly and honestly, and get the job done. I had to fully believe in my own capabilities because if I didn’t, it would show, and I would have a very tough time convincing others I was worthwhile.

I still had to deal with rejection, much like in Manhattan, but this time it was different.  By shifting my mindset, I taught myself how to overcome my self-doubt, find joy in the present moment and remain confident in my abilities. I allowed every and any type of rejection to “thicken my skin” and teach me how to be better, and do better. Don’t get me wrong. I had plenty of moments when that little voice popped in and said – “you can’t do this,” “you’re not qualified enough,” “you’re never going to succeed,” or “you have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” 

Let’s be real, no matter what stage we are at in our lives, doubt will always creep in. It’s human. It’s natural. It’s normal. I’ve learned it’s during those moments that we must believe in ourselves the most and have full trust in the process. It’s the only way to move toward our life goals, rather than be pushed back and controlled by our fears. Through a lot of self-discipline and maturity, I kept focused on the bigger picture and “moving the needle” every single day, rather than getting distracted by any inner negative voices. With this, I was able to figure out a way to create and provide value to set myself apart from others. 

At the time, social media and digital marketing strategies really weren’t used as a “tool” amongst realtors. I grew up using social media so I saw this as a huge advantage and a more modern approach. I began to leverage that skillset quickly, and over the years it has expanded my network significantly. Through digital personal brand development, I’ve created opportunities not only for myself but also for my clients to make more money on their investments. I was able to build a community around me who care not only about my real estate business, but me as a person and my authentic self. They became emotionally connected and invested in my journey. While this is only a fraction of what it takes to run a successful real estate business, it’s definitely one of the leading contributors to my success. It requires A LOT of content planning and publishing, but the connections have made it worth the effort. It’s very easy to look at the tiny squares on Instagram and assume everyone is hitting a home run every time, but that’s truly really not the case. The ones you think are “hitting a homerun” have likely spent A LOT of time at the batting cages, missing pitch after pitch until they get better. 

Entrepreneurship certainly has its ups and downs, but I’ve learned the only way to progress is to keep at it. There’s always a way you can improve your business, and sustained action over a long period of time will get you closer to success and happiness. There’s something so satisfying and fulfilling from being completely self-sufficient and knowing that you are solely responsible for contributing value to the world to earn your own keep. You have to experience it to understand and I highly encourage anyone who wants to work for yourself to jump in. You can do this. With time and consistency, you will succeed. 

So the takeaway here? Doubts and fears will never disappear. Trust the process and plead ignorance about the genuine possibility of failure because it will happen. If you don’t fail then you never tried in the first place. The quicker you understand that your doubts and fears are only your thoughts, and not your future, then you can use them to your benefit. While it takes time and dedication, embrace the journey along the way and you’ll reach your destination. Success comes to those who reach for the stars and not even consider that they may not get there.

BIO: Mariah is one of the most successful Real Estate Advisors on the North Fork of LI with over $235 million in sales since her career began. Her outstanding production has earned her top industry accolades as well as the prestigious Gold Circle of Excellence title reserved for the top 10% of sales associates within Daniel Gale Sotheby's International Realty. Comprehensive market knowledge, keen negotiation skills, modern marketing & digital strategies, and integrity with clients, customers, & colleagues, has positioned her as a top producer in the field.