How being "tough" became my daily practice
Melissa Blum is the CEO & Founder of M.T. Deco.
I wasn’t born tough. As a kid, I was sensitive, emotional, and highly vulnerable to the energy around me. I was told to “toughen” up throughout my childhood and even into my professional career. From dealing with my brothers and cliquey mean girls, to getting a bad grade and navigating the internal politics at work, it was always “you need thicker skin.”
Now, as an adult and mother, I don’t subscribe to that feedback [or understand it really]. The approach with parenting these days is more to let kids have their big emotions, as opposed to trying to dampen them. But that aside, I do look at my ability to be mentally tough as incredibly helpful in my journey as an entrepreneur.
When I decided to make the jump from corporate America to running my own business, what I was most nervous about wasn’t the job itself. It was - hilariously - what other people would think of me. For colleagues and friends who also come from the media world, this sounds like a common theme [and I’m sure it applies to many industries, but I can only speak to my own experience]. There’s this sense of prestige working at big companies like NBC Universal or CNN and even if things are insanely difficult or toxic, you’re at the best of the best. Why would you want to work anywhere else?
It’s funny thinking back to that now. When I try to explain to friends who are unhappy in that environment that the grass IS greener on this side, I know they’re rolling their eyes [while I am thinking, ‘you’ll get there on your own time… or you won’t’]. When I was in that situation, deeply unhappy with the way my son’s first year of life was going to be after my maternity leave, I was tormented by what to do. How could I possibly leave? I’d worked SO hard to get there. If I start my own company and I’m not AdAge 40 under 40 or I don’t get a mention in Variety, am I a complete failure? I was drowning in what-ifs until I finally said to myself, “you’ve gotta develop a thicker skin.” I laughed. Maybe everyone was right all along?
My instinct kicked in and I put on blinders to get out of where I was. I put my head down and I fully trusted my gut that A) my family was my priority, B) I needed to be available to them FIRST [physically and mentally], and C) that if I was going to be putting in blood sweat & tears for work, it was going to be for something I own, not for anyone else. And that was it, I was off.
To this day, I still put those blinders on in order to keep moving forward. If a client pitch falls through, I keep moving. If a client doesn’t want to continue with our retainer, I say “thanks for working with us” and keep going on to the next one. If I was off my game giving a presentation, I’ll do better next time, and keep going. If a client was incredibly challenging, I look for the bright side and keep going. Anything that comes up that’s really hard, I find a way to laugh, and keep going.
It’s not always easy. It’s a regular practice. But if you’re looking for the motivation to keep moving despite your own setbacks or worries about what others think, here are some tricks I’ve found helpful:
Know your priorities. My priorities in life are my kids, my husband, my family and our health + wellness. What are you yours? Once your priorities are clear, everything else falls into place.
Practice gratitude. Every morning I write the three things that I’m most grateful for that day, what would make the day amazing and a daily affirmation in my Five Minute Journal. Keeping the big picture in mind makes the day-to-day grind feel lighter and more purposeful.
Blinders and complete focus. When I need to get something done, I tune out the noise. Whether it’s from naysayers, colleagues, my team, I turn off email, put on timers on my phone and focus. On a macro level, I do the same thing. I dive into my to-do list and am relentless about tasks until they are complete. Being able to do this helps me channel my energy into progress rather than worry, which is such a waste of time.
Self-pep talks. I tell myself that I’m enough, I’m capable and that I’m happy as part of my morning routine. Sometimes I tell myself I’m powerful and a force for good in this world too. Treat yourself well and others will do the same.
And even though I use these coping mechanisms to push me through, I’ve gotten better at pausing to acknowledge how far I’ve come. When I look at my company, the wonderful people I get to work with every day, the incredible clients we have and the projects we’ve brought to life, it literally makes me emotional and I let myself have that. Having the autonomy and control over my company lets me breathe in ways I wasn’t able to when I was working for someone else, but I’m also so thankful for that time because I wouldn’t be successful or resilient without it.